THE GOAL OF AN EXPOSITORY ESSAY IS TO IDENTIFY AND EXPOSE THE TRUTH OR REALITY OF SOMETHING IN A PIECE OF WRITING.
DIRECTIONS: Submit the final drafts of your expository essays via Gdocs no earlier than 1/25 and no later than 1/30. Please copy the Gdocs hyperlink to your essay and post it to the comment box. If you have any questions, please make sure to ask prior to submission deadline.
H A P P Y W R I T I N G !
https://docs.google.com/document/d/18pS0WS1viPskDVr7DYf2q2KG6IB9SeJ5C3e8idR3tJ4/edit?hl=en_US#
ReplyDeletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/18pS0WS1viPskDVr7DYf2q2KG6IB9SeJ5C3e8idR3tJ4/edit
DeleteYou had a good hook nice way to start it off. You could of ellaberted more on the first paragraph. A good reason in the first paragraph and I agree with the reason. You could of went deeper in to the explaination.
Deleteit was a great intro you gave alot good facts about the story and you stook to what you said. the second pargraph was good but it seems like your reapteing the same exact words.
Deleteisaiahcawthorne
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1U7CQXBH9DPWGwYYLD79HgXGqBcxKc9mczQ8z-YK5Sio/edit
ReplyDeletehttps://docs.google.com/document/pub?id=1qVXhlJmm1TwHOl1NRk6ch5bUacMWFfqdmufKKWj9FFw
Delete1. Your whole first paragraph was really good and made me want to read more and more.
Delete2. I don't actually see your thesis statement or maybe I do, but its not clear to the point where it should be.
3. There were many good examples and details with background infornation about Maya Anguelou.
4. All your paragraphs should be 5-7 sentences long.
5. Your personal connection was pretty good.
6. There were some tiny errors.
7. I really liked your essay though.
8. Vocabulary was on point.
9. I always knew you were smart. Lol!
On a scale from 1-6, I would rate this essay a 4.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1nlljus1T5yPsXmcpjb5kxjPtjOwKLZU9U-RBjK6FPaI/edit?hl=en_US#
ReplyDeletei believe this could of been better.
Deletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1vQcKzjIUmfAUxyJmDROSPFsP0EjvknF5iiRqzQDwWVc/edit
ReplyDeleteINTRO: In the first paragraph, you mention how old Maya Angelou was and I think that it is interesting. However, I think that it is important to communicate your thesis, or opinion, on what the essay is really about, and it didn't really contain that in the introduction.
Delete2nd PARA: The second paragraph is intended to break down and show understanding of the figurative language used in the poem (you said it was a "quote" - it's a poem). It seems like you got it, but you could have elaborated a lot more. Additionally, there are a lot of spelling and grammatical issues.
3rd PARA: The third paragraph is where you make a connection to the world or another text, and you reference the show, ROOTS, which is kind of an example of both. However, you don't really say anything about the show, so it's difficult to see why you made the connection.
4th PARA: The fourth paragraph is for making a personal connection, or a text to self connection, and I was sort of confused by yours. I think it was a little out there and perhaps a thematic connection would have been better.
CONCLUSION: I liked your conclusion, but again, I think you should always end it with a final analysis of the poem.
SCORE: I would give this essay a _______.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1UYEBRoo7zMAbKPEJhD1_wDvHCLO2aXAA1Lfc-zeRs-4/edit
ReplyDeleteI think you concetrated a little to much on the actualy poem instead of the metephor around the poem. I like how you did talk about slavery vs. freedom a lot. I also like how you gave examples of a human being tied down instead of a bird, that way people can relate more to the story. I think a stronger hook would really help with the story. You have no hook overall and you really need one because the rest of your essay is great.I like how you qouted the text a lot and really brought the actual text into your essay. I think you brought a diffrent perspective the most people did in their essay.
Deletethis essay was good. barley anything was wrong with the statement.the way you compared a caged bird and slavery wasd ideal. i would never be able to compare it. your essay was 5 times better than my essay would ever be. it was good how you compared "the giver" with the poem was a good idea. i read "the giver" and would probaly compare it to. your essay overal was great,except for the fact that you have a weak hook.its there somwhere, but it dosn't give out a strong single to lure people in.if you had a stronger hook you would probaly get more views. but overal, i thought it was good.
Deletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1apeRrLQazWhB6uZ98QeG3KUlAk_LLTYAWZwK7TZvKsQ/edit
ReplyDeletePara 1= one positive would be that your hook was great. one negitive would be is that i didnot see your thesis.
Deletepara 2: one positive would be that you related to a diffrent poem. one negitive would be that there is no reasons.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1BO6HAojMC0-QdvqEBUEs1hUatjiNjMgMO2uYVwzqngM/edit
ReplyDeletethe beginning was good but for your 3 body paragraphs, you dont have to use "this paragraph is about". i think you could have elaborated more and added more dtails to your essay. also you dont have to label each paragraph and make sure you title your documents.
Deletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1Q8dCRZyEbiBnIJcqH6Lu1iDjypK3UvAi8cIo_PzodUk/edit
ReplyDeleteINTRO : Great hook!
Delete2nd para. : I like how you made us think of the bird as if it were human. I liked this paragraph, but you only had 4 sentences instead of 5 and the final sentence didn't really make sense with the paragraph.
3rd para. : There was some typing errors, but that's just something small. I like this paragraph the most, and how you related the cage to the poverty and plague.
4th para. : Unfinished paragraph. Liked how you started the paragraph though.
Conclusion : Nothing written.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteapples :D
DeleteYeah, I don't see how "apples" really come into play with this peer review. Try again!
Deletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1x0RpSft6Gp9izvOvPWwUxh9zH6rKTc1VxXa2Fsjez_k/edit
ReplyDeleteYou had a very good opening i think it could of been better.The best part was how u compared the poem to the civil rights movements and how females had a hard time with freedom.
Deletehttps://docs.google.com/docunent/d/1saD8bZv8gJoWyRUNM3I1r9BXn5IT9kJejPhAl-S9WOY9yY/edit
ReplyDeletethis link does not work it says it is forbiddin
Deletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1rCwZtmATuo2OXfokoRG4HDAOuwsFYH_FxOOK5SNpBq8/edit
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteI believe that you did a good job with the text to text coparison. I also like the poem that you used called The Snowboarder to compare it to the poem the essay was about. You started off strong and thats why you need to finish this up.
DeleteIn saying that I also have a few things to critisize about the essay. The first thinng I have to critisize about it is that it's not finished. It was pretty good in the begining so deffinently try to finish. The second thing is that it was lacking emotion. This essay didn't REALLY tell me how you felt. The third and final thing I have to say is it's lacking in detail. You need more adjectives and what not to show how you really feel.
I would give this essay a 4 out of 6.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GTwvol1Yu_5R_ts4TaN9WFDodyt78X00OAzKwqNLez0/edit
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
Deleteyour , intor was really good and it started off with a good hook. but it really got off topic when you went into the couple last paragraphs. And the negatives are that you didnt have all , 5 paragraph likee you weree' suppose to soo . that didnt go well . but keep up the good work
Deletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1hiOwvzQyWPr6XcaoLm5LYSUyZviMBpzkcy2wLYlbO7M/edit
ReplyDeletein your closing(pargraph 6).
Delete-like that you you told why you though the bird sing.
-dont like that feel like you had that as your opening and you just reworded it all over again.
text to self(pargraph 4,5):
-that you explained it every well.
-i feel like there are some things missing in that like who you was talking about.
hook:
-you didnt have a very strong hook or opening
-that you give a background information about the poem and when it was written.
text to world(pargraph 3):
-you didnt compair it to any movie,book,poem,song nothing.
meaning of poem.
-you told why its to some people life.
meaning(6):
-i didnt really get the meaning of the poem like you didnt explain it to me.
-you wrote a some what of good eassy.
i would give your eassy a 3.5 because you didnt explain alot things in your eassy and i cant tell what your talking about.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/10-denMDFYsBfSZ72Mj7C9qGrZeQNq6z7LtezczmPlW4/edit
ReplyDeletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/12JqYbMsHhbKxWO5CngKL2Riu7IjCA442dOhvPFAhiyg/edit
ReplyDelete#1 i like how you told me that it has a connection with slavery bit it was really short. it didnt give me enough information.dont like that you didnt have a opening really
Delete#2did not have a great eye catcher and was kind of boring to me but i could relate .
#3 has a length for a paragraph good information .didnt havea good eye catcher in the second paragraph .
#3 was good and gave me something to connect with but it was kind of short but good try .
#4 ability to state similarities but the paragraph was kind of short
#5 it really didnt have any topic of the text needs to be able to elaborate . be able to wrap the whole text up into the conclusion
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1oQZWnhcFdjUIi1J3SfStcgCcPJz2STvRbnCk86BmTrQ/edit
ReplyDeleteYou have a great thinga-ma-bobber (Expository Essay).
DeletePositive; You had the fine ability to state similarities and seemlessly switch in and out between examples and situations.
Negativep; Wrote too much, just playing. You had some grammer errors, but besides that you're essay is too awesome for human eyes. Have a nice day :)
https://docs.google.com/document/d/11oRrR2rgsIuWzDRPUpsw5P0BSqob7UPKi5JvWKurRLQ/edit
ReplyDeleteYour Hook was very good. But after you gave the Poem and you began to say what you thought the was to you took me off. After the first sentence you sort of went off point but your essay is Great. Keep up the good work. :)
Delete#Mr.Williams told me to comment btw ! lol
Well i Loved the quote for the first paragraph.But you could of said were it was from.
DeleteYour Hook for the second paragraph was awsome.But then going into the whole prargraph i was kind of lost.
I liked the way that made a connection text to world.But the sent6ences gramically were like run on instead of full sentances.
I liked how you used evedince from the text to support your argument.But thne at the end i was liked confuesed and didt qite understand what you were tyring to make a conncetion to.
Again i liked the way that you used evedience from the text to support your argument.And finally i dont have a negative comment to say for this paragraph
1st paragraph-Was good :)Very good hook!
Delete-Going from one topic to the next then back is to much.
2nd paragraph-What does Rape have to do with anything?
-Good Details
3rd paragraph-Great Connection
-didnt have correct Upper case letters
4th-Great Relations.
-Off topic
5th-Last paragragph was good!
-Alil more detail
i like this essay! it has a good hook, and the topics were very good. It had very good details and you connected with you're life. you could added more detailing into it, and more stuff. also you need to add a title to you're story so people know what its about.
Deletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1GTRsAj0OguyxsJDSHode2kGyXa1bNyjGxhsgQDyAY1A/edit Like a Boss
ReplyDeleteintro: your hook made me depressed. needs a lot of work
Delete2nd PARA: i understand it and i like ur quotes, but needs work
3rd PARA: good connection with Anne frank
4th PARA: i didnt understand it
conclusion:there was no conclusion
score:2
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Q5M1QPTNy2HMo6_YI0i0iABmAvTV3HgE7nyWl5FuodM/edit?hl=en_US#
ReplyDeletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1sua1ZQXQ6Nc4-PP7FdlkhC9lpZwm4tbIqPL8n3veatA/edit
ReplyDeletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1GRp8bAWfoPtFnqsZxgyQs-Z3E5yPKsazn2Kd2n5aVVI/edit
ReplyDeleteINTRODUCTION: I like your introduction. I suggest you, to put quotations in every title.
Delete1st PARA: You interest me in that second paragraph and thats nice. I recommended that you to add some more sentence in that paragraph.
2nd PARA: You wrote a nice paragraph. But, you also were a little off.
3rd PARA: You got a point there. Also, check for mispelling errors.
CONCLUSION: You got a nice conclusion. I recommended that you add some more details to that conlusion.
Intro: starting with a perfectly fine hook, it did it's job in quickly and effectively stating your thesis throughout the essay. On a sadder note, it's extremely challenging to decipher the differemce between your introduction, and the real beggining. This was used throughout the essay, so I'm just saying it here.
Deleteapparently there was a mixup and I am no.2, oh well, not going back now
Paragraph 1: besides the aformentioned spacing of paragraphs, there is no feasible complaints to the first paragraph. Transition words used properly. Effective quick way to state your point, moving on...
paragraph 2: same thing as paragraph 1. Quick, effective, statement of your thesis. Proper sitation is another plus, an overlooked aspect of a proper essay. Transition words continue to remain relevant.
paragraph 3: I really wish to say something different, but, I humanly cannot. It's like a robot just all of a sudden figured out proper body paragrpahs, and attached them to the essay.
closing: the theme of this essay is represented in it's finale. Short, but to the point. So I'm going to mimick that strategy with this closing paragaph review.
apparently im no.2, oh well, not turning back now.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ddT9b0xMR3bo-ufWQWuPd2Be4TVbsvbILiEfzGciW3U/edit
ReplyDeletewow.... thats something else... from jenna and danielle :)
DeleteWell i believe you should have written more. you should have tried because i think you could have written something verry good.!
Deletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1RyXyx7dUVn7ZeXpfIlg8wzXy98Lw8nVa9mzZXsYZgLM/edit
ReplyDelete- 1st , you paragraph was good i like how you started off.
Delete- 2nd , i like how you took a part from the quote, and clarfied it with something about the bird.
- 3rd , and i like how you took an whole nother quote into the story :)
- Need more paragraphs.
- Keep up the good workk :)) .
First: I like your hook is pretty good. you need a little more details.
DeleteSecond: Good details. need to captilize the name of the poem.
Thrid: I like that conncetion with an other topic. need more details.
No Fourth and Fifth.
-The first paragraph was superb. The word choice had put more emphasis, more life per say, into the essay. The closing sentence of the introductory paragraph, "Then again, everyone goes through a different struggle.", makes the reader go back through their life in their mind and find such a situation.
Delete-The second paragraph utilizes emotion to have the reader continue reading, stuck to the page, wanting to know more. Then, having a comparison to a prison, though seemingly obvious, brings mental images. The end of the paragraph shines a ray of light, stating the male/female still has faith.
-The connection to the poem by Emily Dickinson was a great tie. I would have never been able to picture hope as a bird of sorts. At the same time, the poem by Emily gives the unseen 'hope'.
-All that's missing is the last two paragraphs
:D
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1G6H0Uj33XEguAFNBxSV6Xj7De4Ru8znaAmsbx1Bp4z8/edit
ReplyDeletethat was really good but you could have added details and completed the assignment.
Deletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1zf16Ilcv0YEqh4lUAQ4yc9yLnAtc9g0LT6RGRNsMvpU/edit
ReplyDeletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1oPRFNhj-_o54Ux3C8M3fNayD92s0pUOabTgDE3KmQEA/edit
ReplyDeleteINTRO: In the first paragraph you give a strong thesis on your topic, you also give a hook that isn't that interesting.
Delete2nd PARA:In the second paragraph you explained what the metaphor meant and gave a qoute that helped explain what you are trying to say. You could have added more when you were explaining what you thought the metaphor meant.
3rd PARA: You chose a good connection and explained what it meant and you compared your connection to the bird and the cage.
4th paragraph: you made a personal connection but it wasnt that strong.
CONCLUSION: The conclusion is to short but it does a good job summerizing your essay
SCORE: I would give this essay a 1.
YOUUU GET A 2 :)
Deletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1Oj_91nOJXskZMnMMiIWJ6jfJ-n3kxRIxMieltbJg9hs/edit
ReplyDeletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1TQo7Hhxa5OeT5YUKG1RFv0QX67prt2iA3kBI3JGne5s/edit
ReplyDeletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/14VAe4M9t_9m7lFnCaHfl7uOPzT--F1FT-H23HQ4pDlo/edit
ReplyDeletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1zNjgMBKOfM9REfmnQLQXjDWuALoYrkJrtiNjUHmY_GE/edit
ReplyDeleteINTRO: Good start and facts; they are straight and to the point. However the thesis should not contain 'I' because its expository and there are a few grammar mistakes that be changed including the title of the poem.
DeletePARA1: This is good connection and is very focussed on the truth and not on persuasion like the introduction. Although there could have been some textual evidence using quotations.
PARA2:You made another great connection using textual evidence from both pieces of literature. But again, there could have been quotations.
PARA3: This is a great relation you made with your own life, mentioning both events from your life and the text.
CLOSING: This is a good closing mentioning all the other points you went over. However, rewrite your thesis and there are a few grammar mistakes in this last paragraph.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1oQG4f9VcNG_rGR_fymSS3lnNsFFNVeQAp5VSl1p1Sbs/edit
ReplyDeleteHey Kelia :)
Delete-In paragraph 1 you do not have an hook ( catch the readers attention ).
- paragraph 1 you did a great job stating opininon
- Paragraph 2 could have been longer
-Paragraph 2 I like the fact you have related the poem to Maya Angelou own life.
-Paragraph 3 You do not have an opening (use words such as to continue, ect...
-Paragraph 3 did a good job by comparing it to back then
- Paragraph 4 You didnt indent your paragraph
- Paragraph 4 did a good job relating to your self with your parents
- Paragraph 5 you didnt indent the paragraph nor have an good opening
- Paragraph 5 you did a great job restating your opininon .
I would give this essay an 5 because you have minor mistakes.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yHl4OZHKPWju-tgR61u7I_LXeKDADQDnqD7lTvwuZAI/edit
ReplyDeletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/14VAe4M9t_9m7lFnCaHfl7uOPzT--F1FT-H23HQ4pDlo/edit
ReplyDeletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1pBRKLsPotZHB8QuDCXL3B0U4TDwlDgQbV9_5zS62oo8/edit?hl=en_US#
ReplyDelete1st paragraph: opening sentence made me want to know more. It could have been longer
Delete2nd paragraph: the paragraph was very informative and good. Transition words
3rd paragraph: the paragraph was very informative and good. Transition words
4th Paragraph: the paragraph was very informative and good. Transition words
5th paragraph: it was an ok way to finish the essay. The first sentence in it though was a drag.
first paragraph: caught my attention good hook and introduction
Deletesecond paragraph:nice details
third paragraph:had a good flow with transition words
fourth paragraph:nice in fortmation
fifth paragraph: the ending coud've been a bit more engaging
Neither one of these reviews are sufficient and I can offer half credit at best for the lack of specificity and thought.
Deletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1U3KZAybtPO0uwoE6gEEzwlMaZHfM5QZeo54wnH8fw4A/edit?hl=en_US
ReplyDeletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/17w3WZ2bm_KxH6F3Ewn6hFmhKa5jie7zpCG_KikrfMNk/edit?hl=en_US#
ReplyDeletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/17w3WZ2bm_KxH6F3Ewn6hFmhKa5jie7zpCG_KikrfMNk/edit
Deletehey shannon i love you
DeleteLove is good, but the review is not. Please try again. Thanks!
Deletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1BRHuXu6YlSOv4UzOohx6YI-gCvBqyQXmspvlX6zvdu4/edit
ReplyDeletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1SL2w91AD_rPvKe0WKafvkCTvM3mJI9-3s8oPYMw4nYY/edit
ReplyDeletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1vPzYQEmaq47moGHaPRKoRhd_ysPueanYJo9xnLN3Pu8/edit
ReplyDeletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1xmLx-2ZAI0ULXocRVez-rO2lYhQy3rwlIIvYNMhZhhM/edit
ReplyDeleteMichael You did a good job !Excellent .
DeleteShould have gave more details.
:)
Does anyone else find irony in Dejah's response calling for more details...?
DeleteIntro: Your quote was really good in begining, I think you should of explained the quote alittle bit more.
Delete2nd paragraph: You explained how the poem can relate to us and our freedom. I think you should give a time where you felt like this and realized the freedom you had.
3rd paragraph: I really like connection with the book and your life. Add allitle more details and it would be a stronger paragraph.
4th paragraph: You had such a strong 3rd paragraph. You need more connections and detials with the last paragraph. Could of been stronger.
Conclusion: I like the essay alot, just more connections and another quote at the end would of made it really good.
Score: 3
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1p9rFmZOYkhjotBrxlmnXshI7iUlKCrHgWJgstSE9uUQ/edit?hl=en_US#
ReplyDeletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1EiSiwPkABq_P3nRS2mBxSt9xSbsIHdAOki22YbA0AtA/edit
ReplyDeleteprorper nouns were not capitalized in its right place. their were excessive use of have and has .the paragraphs were very started good but you need to elaborate on your ideas . your hook was very creative but your doid not explain why you thoght it related to the poem
Deletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1cnXq657YWkO-V8mcK_Odusq8Cn6YLeJZCD9pqesiI3g/edit
ReplyDeleteyour paragraphs u have so far are really good. But you need to finish up because if you finish up the eassy it would be really good. maby if you find some movies and poems to relate to text to text. i couldnt score this eassy correctly because you didnt finish but maby if you finish i could correctly score it.
DeleteAttn Everyone: It's really important that you use proper grammatical techniques in order for your peers to take your feedback seriously... No text talk. Thanks!
Deletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1GTRsAj0OguyxsJDSHode2kGyXa1bNyjGxhsgQDyAY1A/edit
ReplyDeletecould not access your essay :(
Deletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1uJpXx45IcYbZVGQrlBiXB2o_8LP0Du813u9U-FIV_7A/edit
ReplyDelete1st paragraph: You had a very good hook. Also make sure you capitalize.
Delete2nd paragraph: Very good detail. Once again dont forget to capitalize.
3rd paragraph: ya really need to work on that! Add more, but it was funny :)
4th paragraph: Nice way to relate. Maybe another example.
5th paragraph: You obviously need to add to it because you have nothing there. But when you add to it it will be good.
Overall i think it was good, i think it could be better, but for the time you had it was good. I think you should have added transition words.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1KXKSYkJbhXlyK2JX9ph8qeMFTa1GreA7sBIjHZeR-EE/edit
ReplyDelete